Thanks Kathy C for providing copies of Colin's appearances to transcribe from
 

Erin Hershey Presley: Actor Colin Firth has been charming audiences in films like Shakespeare in Love, Bridget Jones’s Diary and now he’s won them over again in a funny romantic comedy called Love Actually. Take a look. [clip of lake scene] Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Colin Firth! 

Colin Firth enters from stage right

Colin Firth: Hello, hello. 

Erin: Your movie is great! 

Colin: Thank you. 

Erin: I went to go see it over the weekend and the LA audiences were clapping and cheering afterwards. 

Colin: (nattering) That’s great 

Erin: You know, that’s good. 

Joy Behar: It’s an adorable movie, but it’s not cloying. It’s funny. 

Colin: Okay. 

Joy: You know that, like you were really caught caught on pants. 

Colin: Okay, yeah. Okay, yeah. 

Erin: Now, in this film, you play a writer who falls in love with his Portuguese housekeeper. 

Colin: Yes. 

Erin: And y’all can’t communicate because of the language barrier. You had to learn Portuguese, quite a bit of it. Was that tough? 

Colin: I learned one page of Portuguese. It’s not quite the same thing. 

Erin: Well, was it, was it hard to be able to...and how many times did you have to start over? 

Colin: Many, many times. I mean, I was going to make claims for my Portuguese until I found out that somebody here is Portuguese. 

Meredith Viera: I’m Portuguese. 

Erin: Are you really, Meredith? 

Colin: Yes. 

Meredith: But I don’t speak Portuguese. 

Colin: You don’t? 

Meredith: I never learned. Do you know how to say— 

Colin: (interrupting) Oh! Now! Then I’m fluent! 

Meredith: Do you know how to say “I love you” in Portuguese? 

Colin: I’d think, you’d probably, I think it’s, “te amo,” I would imagine or something. 

Meredith: Look at me and say it now.

Colin: Te amo. 

Meredith: Oh, that’s lovely. 

Colin: It’s, uh... 

Meredith: You don’t say that in the film, though. 

Colin: No, but I say it all wrong. So I, uh, I say things like...um… “I’ve comes to ask the hands of your daughter. I know, I seems mad” and it’s...the...you know, it’s basically the comedy of miscommunication. I tend to find I have a language barrier anyway with everybody, a little bit. 

Joy: Why do you say that? 

Colin: Well, because, wherever you travel, you tend to find you’re divided by a common language. I mean you, you have a word and I have a word and we think we’ve got it in common and in fact it means completely different things to everybody. 

Joy: That’s true. We don’t say lift for example unless we’re talking about our boobs. 

Colin: No. 

Joy: But you guys use the elevator as the lift. 

Colin: Well, you talk about fanny and that means something very different in this country. You could get into all sorts of trouble if you’re an English person... 

Star Jones: Now you are co-starring again, or I should say reunited, with Hugh Grant in this film and then again in one of my very favorite movies of all time, Bridget Jones’s Diary, the sequel. love it! And every girl I know fell madly in love with you when you told her that you like her just like she is. 

Colin: Ohhhhmmmm 

Star: I can’t believe it, I’m verklempt!  I, I still am! So, you’re still fighting over Renee Zellweger in this movie, right? 

Colin: Yes, we are and, in fact, it...it’s, uh, an odd way to put it that Hugh and I come together again because what all we do is fight really. I mean this is my third movie with Hugh and all we’ve done is pull each other’s hair, scratch each other, uhm, you know it’s not exactly very manly. 

Meredith: That means you’re secretly attracted to each other. 

Joy: Oh, my God! 

Meredith: That’s what it means when you psychoanalyze...If you’re always fighting... 

Colin: That’s very secret. 

Erin: You guys are a good team though. 

Star: Has anyone ever gotten really hurt? 

Colin: Hugh gets hurt quite a lot. 

Erin: That’s a perfect response! 

Colin: Hmmmm 

Erin: Yeah, your grandparents were missionaries in Nigeria. You, you’ve spent a lot of your childhood there, did you not? 

Colin: Yeah, my grandparents were missionaries, uh, in India.  I was raised in Nigeria until I was about four. 

Erin: What was that like? 

Colin: Well, I was four. So, uh... 

Erin: Well, yeah. 

Colin: It’s, uh, funnily enough, I do, I do have memories or think I have memories. I’ve got a little playbacks, you know [in the mind's eye].... 

Joy: Have you ever been, have you always been naturally funny, cause you are just funny even though you’re gorgeous. 

Colin: Yes, uh…just naturally hilarious. 

Star: And naturally gorgeous. 

Colin: Except, except when I, um, I try to crack a joke then the smiles just wipe off on everyone’s faces. 

Star: Speaking of naturally gorgeous, he was recently voted Britain’s most sexiest film star. 

Colin: I’ve got to tell my— 

Star: Uh, so, Britain’s most sexy film star has also been married to his wife, Livia, what, 1997? 

Colin: Yes. 

Star: So long a time. Look at you, face just cracked, okay and what does she think about the sexiest film star in Britain? 

Colin: Well, I think, you know, when she sees that, she probably immediately wants to get on the phone to my mother and say “Will you stop voting over and over.” 

Star: Do you think it bothers her that all the girls think that you’re just, like, the cat’s meow? 

Colin: You know, we, I don’t, we don’t really talk about it, very much. It’s not— 

Joy: In Britain, they say dashing. Dashing. 

Colin: Yes, I quite like dashing. I try to talk about it, but she just doesn’t seem to. Eyes glaze over and, you know, gets that weary— 

Meredith: I want to congratulate you because you recently had a another son.  A little boy, Matteo. 

Colin: Yes, yes. Thank you. 

Meredith: This is so nice. And you, you have a 2-year old son, Luca? (Colin: That’s right) and when he was born you called him “beautiful turnip.” 

Colin: I don’t know. Did I say beautiful? 

Meredith: Yes, what you said, he looked like a beautiful turnip so... 

Colin: Yeah, well, he’s grown out of that. 

Meredith: Yeah? What about Matteo? What does he look like? 

Colin: Well, now, Matteo, uhm, he doesn’t really look like anything agricultural. He’s a...Matte...Luca grew out, Luca grew out of the root vegetable phase when he was about 8 months.

Meredith: To more of a human sort... 

Colin: Well, you know he’s now an implausibly beautiful child actually. He’s so...But you kind of need eyelashes, don’t you? And eyebrows— 

Meredith: Yes. 

Colin: ...hair, teeth chin. It— 

Meredith: To fill out the picture, yes? 

Colin: It adds, you know, I think, to the human. Usually, the...Call me conventional, but I, you know, uh...My idea of beauty involves these accessories. 

Erin: Ah! Accessories! 

Colin: Now Matteo is beginning to develop signs of one day having those. And, uh, the only comparison...The head is, shaped a tiny bit like a kumquat.  Do you know those things? 

Meredith: Yes. 

Joy: Oh that’s adorable! 

Colin: That’s, that’s correcting itself now. 

Erin: Well, if they’re anything like their father, then that’s wonderful. Our thanks to Colin Firth. Your film is awesome! Love Actually is in theaters right now. We’ll be right back.