[thanks Mary A.]
 

Jon: My guest tonight, an actor whose films include SIL and BJD. His latest is TIOBE.

(Clip of TIOBE)

J: Please welcome Colin Firth.

(Big applause)

Welcome to the show. I gotta tell ya…TIOBE is, I think, the finest in the Earnest series.

Colin: Oh really.

J: I think so. So much classier then the other uh…

C: You missed the earlier ones previously…

J: Did you ever see uh uh uh…Do they get those in England? Do they get the Earnest Goes To Jail, Earnest Goes To…

C: Mr. Earnest Goes To Washington.

J: Yeah, it was a guy, it was like a goofy Southern guy, and then he’d like mess up Christmas and stuff.

C: That’s right. No, we used to do school productions of those, you know.

J: You guys didn’t go along with the Euro, am I right? England didn’t convert to the Euro.

C: No, we weren’t having any of that stuff.

J: Why was that, do you think? Not interested in currency exchange?

C: Well, first we’ve got to explain to the people in England where Europe is and what it is.

J: No, I thought we were the only ones who had misunderstood that continent, but England as well…?

C: No, I think that little channel of water might as well be the Atlantic Ocean for a lot of people in England.

J: Really?

C: Truly. Absolutely.

J: Cause they used to own most of it.

C: Don’t remind me. (laughter) We used to have all of it, and, uh, no, it is not in our concept, really. I mean people in England
will talk about someone having a European accent, meaning some unspecified, you know, mid European thing…

J: See, I can go along with that because America and England speak the same language. I think we have a similar mind set of, like uh, you know, pardon my French there, Frenchie, ya know what I mean? But we consider England to be sort of us.

C: Yeah. I think that’s true. In fact, I think that the continental Europeans see England as a bit like an extension of America,
you know, they see it as a part of that.

J: I agree.And yet, without us, they’d all be speaking…German.

C: Yes, probably. 

(Big laughter)

C: We’re going down that road. If you look at the English press around the time that the Afghan war was beginning, it was all
this stuff about Blair offers final ultimatum to the Taliban. You know, we’re going in. And then there’d be little stuff about how
the Americans were helping us out? You know, we still think we’re the most powerful country on the planet, you know.

J: It’s cute.  (Big laugh) It’s very cute. I actually have a good time whenever I go over there. The interesting thing is that we both I think…and this is something I mean both America and England can agree on is…uh, we can both, I think, abuse Canada, and I think that in many ways is a saving grace.

(Big laugh)

C: Absolutely. The Australians. Any other English speaking country, I think…

J: That’s what I’m saying.

C: Nobody, I think…I think we’re probably more perverted that any other race of English-speaking people.

J: Really?

C: Yeah, I would say so.

J: That’s interesting, because we’re somewhat perverse.

C: No, I know, I know, but you don’t have our school system

J: You haven’t seen ours, buddy. What is it about your school system that leads to this perversion?

C: Well, it’s sort of this Englishmen of a certain class… English men of a certain class, thrown together, you know, with
nobody but a matron to look after them, and as a result, you know, we have a rather higher quota of conservative politicians
found dead from acts of autoeroticism. You know, I mean…

(Big laughter and clapping.)

J: That’s true. I will grant this country one thing. Our politicians are with good old-fashioned hookers, and I think that says a
lot…

(Big laughter)

C: You should be very proud.

J: Absolutely. None of that autoerotic stuff. It’s such an interesting dichotomy, that sort of the surface of England is this very
stodgy superficial…or at least that’s the stereotype we have…but underneath it is a somewhat perverse little place.

C: Yeah, it’s pretty complicated. It’s pretty complicated.

J: It is. Are the cities much different in similar ways, too? American cities are much different than the country. Is there a
heartland in England and a cityscape, or is class broken out in different ways?

C: I think it’s broken out in different ways. I mean urban England is very distinct from rural England, and it’s, you know, there
are 60 million people on that little island, so it’s a very overcrowded place, and London is a gigantic city. I mean it’s bigger
than this one and it, I think, it tends to surprise people and it’s a huge sprawl. It’s very international. It has a crime rate which
is higher than anywhere in this country and if you take the handguns out of the equation you’re more likely to get attacked in
most English cities than you are here.

J: Is that true?

C: Yeah, that is…

J: By doughy stilton cheese? What do they come at you with?

C: What?

J: Brass knuckles and such?

C: Yeah, no, there are this other stuff other than handguns, which they’re very fond of using.

J: You know what we’re going to do for you? Here’s what we’re going to do for you. We’re gonna send you some
handguns. We’re going to…

C: get the whole think sorted out…

J: Get the whole thing sorted out.

C: Cause we’ve been struggling with all the…

J: All the variety of whatever.

C: That’s right.

J: Well, this film, TIOBE…good film?

C: It’s an excellent film, you know, speaking impartially, yes.

J: and clearly, some very talented people involved…

C: Lot of fun, very talented cast, I mean really, you know, you couldn’t get better.

J: Uncomfortable to wear the period clothing? That sort of thing, or you’re all right?

C: Well,because of my school, my background of school, I’m used to wearing all sorts of stuff.

(Talking over each other here. Hard to get it all)

J: Like the next Harry Potter movie, they’re going to give each other reach arounds or something. It’s the craziest thing.
(Trying to sound British:) “Harry, here’s your wand.” 

(Big laugh)

TIOBE is in theaters now. Colin Firth, everybody.

(Big applause)

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